Pretty soon I have to grow up.

still drunk from lastnight. its officially been 24 hours. 24 hours of drunk. thats disgusting. i'm so grossed out with myself. what did i do. most of last night is blacked out. today i feel fucked up. not drunk but nothing feels real. i keep talking in my head and speaking for people and invisioning things before it happens.. all clear signs i am drunk. but im too aware to be drunk. so gross. tomorrow i will be so fucking hung over. ughhhh why did i do this? how can i make sure i never do it again!?

I got a job washing dogs at petsmart.

my favorite dogs are  bloodhounds, saint bernards, leon bergers boxers and beagles.
my favorite vegetables are asparagus, canned green beans and avocados.. if those are veggies.. and mushrooms.
my favorite shoe is a flat sneaker with no arch support.
i like to read about female victims who have survived incredible, terrifying things.
i like to read about serial killers.
i like to watch movies about love and magical places.
i like to drizzle honey down the back of my throat.
i like to talk about myself.
i like to mush my sandwhich down in the center.
i like spell phonetically.
i like the feeling of peeing.
i cross my toes when i sleep.
the feeling of wind of my face and up my nose will always be my high.

1. IMDB.com
2. Grown Ups
3. Filming in my town.

I'm so annoyed. get out adam sandler and all your friends. Chris rock, david spade, kevin james, salma hyek, etc etc.
 Get the fuck out of my town and give me back the glamor movies once held. I'm tired of seeing everyones fb status about how they got to shoot a scene with you. I can never watch your movie now. GO AWAY. What happened to the old days when movies held an air of magic to them. nothing now. i slid down the same fucking water slide as you.

I'm not good at anything. I WAS good at writing. Now I'm mediocre at best. It's too jumbly in my mind to put anything coherent together. My greatest accomplishment was getting invited to take a graduate level exclusive writing course. I didn't take the course though. I got invited to tutor at the writing lab as well. I don't feel good enough. and Who cares if my writing is good? it means nothing to the people i want to impress. My family, my friends, the boys at the youth center. Every one there has a skill aside from me.